Friends or Housemates or Both?
In recent times, it has become more and more common to have housemates not just in university but also later in life. Buying a house is expensive and renting a house on your own too, so why not let out empty rooms to other people and share the burden? Therefore it has become even more necessary to be able to interact and live with people you have never met before.
Moving to university involves a lot of obstacles such as moving in and settling in (read about that here). One of the things that you will do almost immediately is meet your housemates. Typically you will be in the same year at university but not necessarily the same course or major and this means that you are all going through the same stage in university. Alternatively, if you are a working professional it is generally more beneficial to choose to move in with other professionals. This differs for first years, second years, final years and so on.
Housemates in First Year
In first year it’s always best to remember that you may all be in the same boat but everyone has a different way of dealing with being in that boat. For example, some housemates love to fill their time with drinking and clubbing, some prefer movie nights and baking and others never leave their room (leaving you to wonder whether they actually exist). It is important to remember that you do not need to make friends with the people you live with and you are certainly not joined at the hip. Be polite and reach out if that's what you want to do, but don't stress yourself out if your housemates don't reciprocate your enthusiasm.
Find Common Interests - If you are trying to make friends always start with common interests and if it gets awkward or silent ask questions until you find that interest. It doesn't need to be an interrogation but you should also try to be interested in what the other person is saying.
Hello Goes a Long Way - If you don't want to talk to your housemates but don't want to seem standoffish just go with a simple hello as you enter the room and a goodbye when you leave. Minimal effort but maximum effect in making you seem friendly but also maintaining some distance. This is good if you don't want to be sucked into conversation when you are refilling your tea for the 10th time during a study sesh.
Don't Hide If You Want to Meet People - Occasionally leaving your room to sit in the kitchen is a good way to meet your housemates as everyone comes into the kitchen eventually. If you want to meet the people you are living with find something to do in the common areas and don't be afraid to introduce yourself.
Help With Homesickness - If you are feeling a little isolated and being away from your family is making you feel lonely don't be afraid to buddy up and go exploring, whether that is your campus or the surrounding area. Everyone gets a little homesick sometimes so having someone in your house to go to for a mood boost is never a bad thing. Also you are probably helping your housemate too!
Getting Locked Out - This is never fun but if you are on good speaking terms with your housemates then it is a lot less awkward to text the group chat than it is to keep ringing the door bell (or banging on the door) for someone to open up. Being a little bit chummy with your direct neighbours or going out with others in your house usually lessens the blow of you forgetting your keys.
Course buddies, housemates and long time friends
Make a Course Buddy - Sometimes your housemates will not be 'your people', or they will be terrible people, or they will be great people but in any case it is also a good idea to make friends with people outside of your house and the best way to do that is make friends with someone on your course. In lectures or seminars it doesn't hurt to strike up a conversation with someone you sit near to and this means that if you aren't best buds with your housemates you still have people to socialise with. You never know you could end up being best friends with their housemates instead.
Disclaimer Obviously with Covid-19 it is going to be much more difficult to meet people from your course or in other houses due to social distancing and you should take the precautions very seriously. An alternative could be to join relevant group chats on Messenger or Whatsapp. That way you can see who would be down for a socially distanced coffee or walk.
Housemates in Second Year
Unless you apply for on campus accommodation, it is likely that in second year and beyond you will live in a house share with people you met at university and understandably this can either go really wrong or really right.
My best friend and I after doing the same course, living together and graduating at different times (2020)
If you live with friends, you might not be friends by the end of the year - seeing each other in class and socialising with each other is really fun until you learn that they don't clean the bathroom after they use it or they don't know how to wash dishes. You have to be very sure that your friendship is solid and you can communicate problems when deciding to live with friends. Otherwise, it is better to live with strangers and stick to sleepovers. Being in someone's pocket is tricky at the best of times but also going to class and socialising with that person might push you over the edge. On the other hand it could be the best decision you ever make (like for me and my best friend).
Don't force a relationship - Like in first year, don't force a relationship with the people you are living with. Some people are just happy to be co-habitants without being friends and there is nothing wrong with that as long as they are open to communication when problems arise (as often happens in a rented house). Don't force people into movie nights or flat meals, they are fun but only if you actually want to hang out with the people you live with. Otherwise, the contact might be excessive.
Give space when needed - Learn to communicate when you need space and to recognise that need in others. As I've mentioned, you don't have to be besties with the people you live with so don't insert yourself if someone is trying to keep distance it will only lead to friction and maybe arguments later on.
Organise Bill Paying and Cleaning - One of the most important things is to make sure you know who has the bills in their name so you can pay them on time or when they ask. Don't be afraid to ask when the money will be needed and how often as it could be monthly or quarterly. Related to that, if you feel like the cleaning is not being shared equally then suggest a schedule or talk to the individuals about the things they need to be contributing towards. You may all be adults but as I've seen some adults don't know how to clean up after themselves in communal areas.
Getting On with your Housemates
In summary all these tips are just to assist in getting on with your housemates at university or beyond. This can be simple things like:
Improving communication - Tell people when you are having friends over well ahead of time, check that your housemates can't hear you playing music or don't mind if you do, set boundaries about using your stuff and clearly set your intentions on organising communal areas
You don't need to be best friends and don't force a friendship that isn't mutual - it is ok to just co-habit a place
Clean up your mess and make room for others - Don't take up all the fridge and freezer space or leave stuff in the sink, don't leave crumbs or spills on the counters and hobs (everyone will be grateful if you clean this type of mess up
Covid - 19 Considerations
You are limited to your housemates as far as socialisation goes so it is better to stay in their good books, especially if you end up quarantining together. Cleanliness is probably also more necessary than ever so keep yourself and others safe by communicating and cleaning up your messes.
Whether you move into a house of strangers at university or later in life the most important thing is to be yourself. Maintaining a façade gets tiring so just start off by being yourself and soon the people you aren't compatible with will fall away and the true 'good ones' will stick around. Remember this living situation isn't forever and you can handle whatever it throws at you.
